But don’t you think it’s time we move forward and designate a new past as retro? Maybe that schtick still plays in Peoria. The website boasts: “Ocean Prime encompasses retro elements of a supper club, including warm finishes and rich woods, combined with contemporary-styled sheer drapery, and state-of-the-art lighting.” Is “retro” a synonym for Rat Pack? The private dining rooms are named for Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr., and Frank Sinatra. He called it “a cocktail drinker’s wine list.” It is populated with labels you can find at any froufrou grocery store-Duckhorn, Jordan, Chalk Hill, Charles Krug, Estancia.

To say that the selection is uninspired is letting Ocean Prime off the hook too easily. What an insult to perceptive wine drinkers.

Rather than ask him to name the capital city of New England, I perused the wine list. “So, are they from Maine?” I asked, knowing that Maine is where most true diver fisheries are located. Too many menu writers refer to scallops as “diver” when, in fact, they are serving large (U-10) scallops harvested by dragging the ocean floor with dredges. Twenty-nine bucks might buy you four real diver scallops-if you were paying wholesale. I know of only two restaurants in Dallas that serve them (and only periodically): Aurora and the French Room.

Genuine hand-harvested scallops bring premium prices, and they are sold to high-end eateries in New York, Los Angeles, and Las Vegas. They were priced at $29 for four, which made me doubt his claim. “Our diver sea scallops are actually farmed by a diver who actually is going down and finding them instead of a ship or boat coming through and just raking them up from the bottom,” said our waiter. I lost respect for Ocean Prime on my first visit when our waiter went into a long spiel about the diver sea scallops. And, please, if you don’t know the answer to a question, do not make it up. Like trained robots, three different servers went into sales speak and referred to the same dishes-Kansas City strip, pecan-crusted trout, Chilean sea bass, and Scottish salmon-as “our most popular.” Servers, why don’t you listen? I don’t want to know what is popular I want you to ask me what I like and steer me to a selection on the menu. Turns out, many things at Ocean Prime are “popular.” At each of my three dinners, I asked for a recommendation. “We put dry ice in all of our cosmos,” piped an overly cheery server. I felt like I was in a surreal remake of Dr. Layers of fog swirled around their tight faces and drifted in horizontal layers across the room. The deep pink liquid in the martini glasses bubbled like a witch’s cauldron. Each held a bizarre drink in her manicured fingers. A group of overly coifed women dripping diamonds and wrapped in full-length minks surrounded the hostess stand. The bar was mobbed with men in expensive suits holding glasses with three-finger pours of Scotch. I quickly saw that my suspicions were wrong. As we pulled into the circular driveway lined with luxury automobiles, I guessed that the glistening Lamborghinis, BMWs, and Bentleys must have been loaned to the restaurant as props to lure in wealthy customers (and the ladies who love them). Why so early? It was the only reservation I could get. The first time I stepped into Ocean Prime, it was 6 on a Monday night. I was flabbergasted by the hordes of well-heeled patrons packed into the dining room and bar at the recently opened Ocean Prime in Uptown’s Rosewood Court Building. Why do you swarm like clouds of starlings from one high-priced, mediocre restaurant to another? Follow-up question: do you have to eat a Caesar salad with every meal? Local chef-driven restaurants offer creative cuisine cooked from the heart, but you choose to spend your money on steak, seafood, and crème brûlée. Dallas, you have a serious dining disorder.

Ocean prim